It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

September, the most wonderful time of the year!

I’m standing in line at the registrar’s office. It’s hot, dusty and smells of old paper and toner. A soda machine from the 1950’s is blinking at me from around the corner, trying to trick me into leaving the line for the promise of cold liquid refreshment. Lose my place? Never! Steady on. The queue hasn’t moved in 15 minutes, and I’m sweating and hungry. Suddenly, from behind me the sound of flapping wings. Flying monkeys are overhead, impossibly chucking number 2 pencils and AP Style books at my head, screeching: “What’s your locker combination? What’s your locker combination?” I have no idea what that magical number could possibly be! How could I?! And the buzzing, the buzzing, oh the horrible buzzing! Wait a minute; that’s my alarm clock. Oh thank heavens, it’s only a dream.

I’m sure those ‘what your dreams really mean’ type books have some sort of hippie dippy explanation for this sort of thing but I know what sweet Queen Mab is trying to tell me: start over, clean up your act, get organized! Perhaps I’ve been watching too many shows about hoarders before I go to sleep, but I suddenly feel the urge to turn a critical eye to my beauty routine and make a stern re-assessment of the state of things. Let’s begin.

• Step 1: Dump that makeup bag! There are things in the bottom that are not animal, vegetable or mineral from the looks of them; throw them out. Old sponges, grotty old powder puffs, mascara from the Bush administration. Out, out I say, out! Mascara is a particularly dangerous breeding ground for all sorts of nasty bacteria and should be replaced every 3-6 months.
• Step 2: Replace all your disposables: sponges, puffs, etc. Get rid of any makeup that smells funny or looks crusty or discolored, as well as any liquids that have separated. In general: chuck your liquid foundations and liners after 6 months, lipsticks & glosses after 1 year, eyeshadow & blush-2 years, pressed/loose powder 18 months to 2 years.
• Step 3: Wash your makeup brushes in warm, soapy water (I use a squirt of shampoo in a bowl of water), blot with a clean dry cloth, and place them with their bristles over the edge of the countertop so they can air dry on both sides.
• Step 4: Wash the makeup bag itself. Mine is cloth, so I turn it inside out and pop it in the washer on gentle with a capful of laundry soap for delicates.
• Step 5: Make sure everything is completely dry before re-stocking your bag.

Need help replacing your colors? All makeup artists at Me Salon + Spa are happy to consult with you free of charge to recommend your best colors and choices. Creepy dream analysis also provided, fee based on weirdness of your dream. So until next time, Dear Reader, keep it clean, and sweet dreams.